Toxic Agers

One year ago my blogspot addressed dysfunctional families, those families that have a destructive nature, not to be confused with a chaotic nature. Chaotic families may be highly functional and loving, whereas dysfunctional families are destructive and highly critical.

Toxic agers are often found in dysfunctional families. They are your family members, co-workers, clients, neighbors, customers, they are everywhere- mean older adults who get meaner as they age. The term toxic ager describes the people who are manipulative, self-absorbed, lack insight, and are so highly critical of those around them that they cannot keep caregivers and are avoided by their families as much as possible. They are just unpleasant to be around.

They are described as controlling, insensitive, demanding, attacking, passive-aggressive to those around them, yet maintain a gracious public face. Gerontologist Gloria Davenport, who coined the term toxic ager, describes them this way..."a continuous, compulsive, and usually excessive acting out that includes a negative reaction and energy drain in anyone, especially professionals, caregivers, and adult children. It includes incessant and loud complaining, fault finding, whining, and blaming everyone else for problems."

There are coping strategies for communicating with these difficult older individuals. We can't change them but we can change us... call me for an appointment and let's talk about it. 256.653.9672 More later. Agedoc.

The book:

Working with Toxic Older Adults: A Guide to Coping with Difficult Elders.  Author: Gloria Davenport.  1999. Springer Publishing. ISBN 0-8261-1223-4