Thursday, November 21, 2019

Holiday Guests with Dementia

Hi Everyone, I apologize for the lengthy delay.  I was not able to recover my blog account for some months.  Now I am up and running again!

Hosting a friend or family member with dementia is challenging but can also be enormously rewarding.  The key is PLANNING AHEAD.  Last night, I reviewed approximately ten websites that included recommendations for having a successful event.  One recommendation should be avoided:

Do NOT get out the scrapbooks and photo albums to "trigger memories" of past events.  If the person with dementia does not recognize the events or people, that will only lead to irritation and confusion. Leave the photo albums in the cabinet!

For the sake of this discussion, I have created a fictitious family member/friend with dementia named "Uncle Percy." 

1. Schedule your meal EARLY in the day.  People with dementia experience "sundowning."  It means that after sunset, "Uncle Percy" may be more confused.

2. Play seasonal music from "Uncle Percy's" prime years.  For example, classics by Bing Crosby, Judy Garland, and the Andrews Sisters.  Watch classic movies and television shows such as Miracle on 34th Street, It's a Wonderful Life, Gunsmoke, Petticoat Junction, Beverly Hillbillies, and the like. 

3. Avoid holiday decorations that talk or gesture.  While a talking snowman or blow-up Santa may be entertaining and cute, "Uncle Percy" may find this fearful or confusing.  In fact, it is best to avoid holiday decorations that dramatically change the environment.  Forget about the "chase" or blinking Christmas lights! Leave them on "steady" or "continuous" instead.

4. Interacting with "Uncle Percy" can be enjoyable and the objective should be to include him in conversations by speaking directly to him.  Ask CLOSED-ENDED questions that can be answered with yes and no.  Right: "Uncle Percy, do you want mashed potatoes?"  Wrong: "What do you want to eat, Uncle Percy?"  Right: "Do you want to go out for a short walk, Uncle Percy?"  Wrong: "What do you want to do, Uncle Percy?" 

5. If "Uncle Percy" makes mistakes while speaking, LET IT GO.  Do not "correct" him or interject with accurate information.  That will embarrass him and it is unkind.  It doesn't matter if he is right or wrong.  The objective is to diffuse, not cause more tension.

6. Is "Uncle Percy" residing in an assisted living facility? If so, then go to him instead of making him come to you.  "Uncle Percy" will be more comfortable in familiar surroundings.

7. Finally, remember that "Uncle Percy" cannot control his actions or remember things like he did before he was diagnosed with dementia.  If his condition has deteriorated and he cannot participate in family gatherings, then honor him by speaking of all the great times you shared earlier in life. 


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